It’s Kerry Katona’s birthday today, and due to the fact that we’re tight arses (and because we don’t even like Kezza that much), we’ve decided to write her a poem rather than send her a gift.

We’re seeing her later on at the TV Choice Awards, so we’ll attempt to give her a quick reading. Follow us on Twitter (twitter.com/3am) to see how it goes, yeah?

So here it is, enjoy…

Today is the birthday of Kerry Katona,

We’re writing a poem rather than phone her,

She used to sing,

But that went in the bin,

Along with her marriage, career and her home(a).

Today Kerry turns 30,

And we expect her head to be hurty,

After heading out on the raz,

At tonight’s TV Choice Awards (in association with Daz)

With her only mates, Claire Powell, Peter Andre and that Nicola bird. Losers.

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