With two failed marriages behind her, Kerry Katona could be forgiven for feeling tentative about putting herself back on the dating market again.

But the 30-year-old star has now revealed she has been left so scarred from her previous relationships, particularly her marriage to Mark Croft, she feels she is too scared ever to date again.

And Kerry also admits she doesn’t think she has much hope of finding someone who will look beyond the tabloid celebrity to the real person beneath.

Mother-of-four Kerry told Reveal magazine: ‘I lost four years with my children. I was off my head on drugs and too into Mark. I was craving his love. I wanted the love I never got as a child.

‘I still believe in marriage, but I’m too scared to get into a relationship again. And who’d take all this on, anyway?’

Kerry added that she left her drug-fuelled lifestyle behind her when she married former Westlife singer Brian McFadden in 2002, but things became even more difficult when they split in 2006.

She said: ‘My first husband Brian took me away from my old life – the druggies, the thieves and backstabbers – and gave me the life I wanted.

‘But when he left me, the family I’d always wanted was gone. I think that’s why I rushed into things with Mark.

‘When I was with Mark, we were taking so many drugs. I felt so trapped, I even cut myself with a razor. Staying with Mark nearly killed me, and I escaped by telling him to “f*** off”.

‘Looking back, I’m embarrassed and ashamed. I was living a car crash but not any more.

‘My personal battle is that I’m not very confident. I want to get my confidence back so I can start believing in myself.

‘I look back at myself and it’s emotional because I’m a completely different person to who I was. I get emotional thinking about how far I’ve come.’

But now Kerry, who has chronicled her new life in ITV2 reality show Kerry Katona: Coming Clean, is free of drugs and enjoying spending as much time as possible with her children.

She said: ‘About a year ago, I went to boot camp and was clean of drugs for two weeks. I looked back at my life and realised I could be dead. And I realised that if I didn’t look after myself, who would look after my kids?

‘All I’ve ever dreamt of is a family, not being famous. I’ve got my mum and my four kids and I’m happy with that. I don’t want to mess it up.

‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and I’m strong now. I’ll never be tempted back to my old life. I’m not going to go back on the drugs or to Mark. I don’t want to lose the relationship I’ve got with my children.’

And Kerry also said while she has put her problems and issues behind her, she is hoping her children will learn from her mistakes in the future.

She added to Reveal: ‘My kids haven’t got a clue about any of the problems I’ve been through. One of my biggest personal battles is that their friends at school are going to be watching the show, and my eldest, Molly, is nine now.

‘I know I’ve made a t*t of myself in public and been a right a**e. But I’ve kept it away from the kids – they don’t read the papers and don’t know about my past.

‘But now the TV show is about to come on, I’m going to have to start being honest with them.

‘Hopefully, they’ll see what I’ve been through and it will put them off doing all the things that I’ve done wrong.’

Source: Daily Mail